My gut still hurts from laughing this morning. Comedians Aisha Tyler, Mike Epps, and Charlie Murphy (done in raspy voice) all brought their “A” game this morning. Check podcast in case you missed them coming through this morning.

I’m going to miss out on the Garlic Festival this weekend. I’m helping my boo try to rent her condo. We are so HGTV fans that we are playing the roles of real estate agents! I think I would make a good real estate agent…”Now here’s the master bathroom” oohs and ahhs (sfx) ..”check out the granite counters”. From doing this a few times, I can tell you that bathrooms and kitchens sell your place. Oh, oh I can’t forget the walk in closet! That is a woman’s dream come true! Email me if you are interested in a two bedroom condo! I just need one of those cheesy real estate agent cards with my picture on it!

Maria just gave me the biggest gift, she is rooting for Mark Nieto in our little golf match this afternoon. If you remember (you member?) Maria’s jinx, whoever Maria roots for, usually loses. I will be sure to remind Mark of that before he tees off this afternoon with me. LOL I’m taking his money……

Hey take care, next week we have Reverend Run, Gary Spivey and Oakland A’s tx for our Root Beer Float day with the A’s on Wednesday!

Have a great weekend!

 BalTazer

Hey I hope you are having a nice day. I smell me some weekend, or is that the garlic smell coming from Gilroy? Thank you Steve from the east who inspired our conversation “What’s the silliest thing your pet does”. I had a cat back in the day “Scummy” who (please don’t think I’m a weirdo) loved to be spanked. Yes! spanked..She purred and purred. Do you see why I was sort of timid sharing that on the air? Oh..Oh Maria is reading my blog as I type..LOL..She’s making a face…pause..”I call that rough petting” she says..LOL

So I finally finished watching the rest of the Espy’s last night (sports award show) Justin Timberlake is the man! Check your tv listings for a replay of the show. I’m telling you you will laugh your @#$! off. He has a take on everything from Roger Clemons to Shaq.

You may of missed our 9 o’clock guest comedian Josh Blue who is an inspiration to anyone with cerebral palsey. He shined on Last Comic Standing season 4 and is bringing his act to the Improv this weekend in San Jose. (check podcast)

Remember tomorrow it is an all star comedy fest with Aiesha Tyler, Mike Epps and Charlie Murphy! Win tickets every hour!!!!

BalTazer

Hi peeps! How was your weekend? I’m still sore from walking the 10K (6.2 miles) at the Aids Walk yesterday. I run 3-4 miles every day and feel fine. I walk 6.2 miles and feel like an old man. What the @&#$? I’m actually going to start training to run a half marathon in October (13.2 miles, I believe) Que Loco verdad? I’m trying to tie it in to a charity so if you have one please email me.

If there is a chance for yo uto check out the ESPY’s on ESPN on replay do it. I caught the first 15 minutes and Justin Timberlake had me rollin! He took shots at a lot of people but his line about the Staples Center (where Espy’s where held) was the best. “The Staples Center built one brick at a time by Shaq” LOL

My son just called me, he wants a cellphone for his b-day in August. As I’m about to say that it is not a good idea, he says “To call you daddy”. How freakin heart warming. The little guy knows how to get to me. LOL

I Love Money was off the hook last night. I love that challenge inspired by Flava Fav making out for 93 minutes on Flava of Love. Just when all the contestants thought they had to eat something gross. They flipped the script and put Mr. Boston and Chance in a really funny situation!!! Check it out on the replay on VH1 it is hysterical!

Big shouts before I go to the ladies from the Claremount in Berkeley, Team Wachovia, team Target, team Gilliad and everyone who I got to meet at Aids Walk 2008! Thanks for the laughs. Great job!!!!

BalTazer

What is up? I hope your Friday is flying by and you are all set for the weekend. Still looking for you to join Team Movin for the Aids Walk this Sunday.Come on people!

I’m thinking of running it this Sunday (ok maybe not) that thought lasted at least 2 seconds..LOL

What you have to check out is the podcast of today’s show. OMG my my little person interview. I want to be politically correct but so proclaimed “dwarf”Brad Williams was mad funny! You may remember him as the “dwarf” that Carlos Mencia gets to hump things on the show “Mind of Mencia” on Comedy Central. Apparently midget love is the best love from what Brad was saying this morning. He is at Tommy T’s in Pleasanton all weekend. Tommy told me that Brad’s finale is something to behold.

Thanks Alexa for filling in this morning for my girl Maria. Hey if Maria can have a side piece (JLove in the afternoon Hollywood Dirt) I can have Alexa now and then. She is my buddy too! We were talking about how I’m addicted to HGTV and this weekend was going to be fun because I’m in the hunt for a new crib. Specifically in the Pleasanton/Fremont area. Any leads? Hit me up with an email!

Big love to my boy Pablo Francisco and Carlos Mencia who had us rolling this morning (check podcast) Have a great weekend!

BalTazer

Alright today’s show was  similar to a plane taking off. Kinda bumpy as we started but a smooth ride once we got to our cruising altitude. I knew my morning was off to a bad start when I forgot my early morning sandwich. When did I find this out? Halfway into my commute into the studios! Que Pendejo (or Ben Dejo..LOL) It wasn’t until I stole some of Maria’s oatmeal that I got settled and relaxed. That was when we finally were able to take off the “fasten seat belt” sign. LOL

What was Keith thinking this morning on the Love Trap (check podcast) Getting a “happy ending” massage is not cheating? LOL!!! Good one Keith, real good one…. I have never been to one of these places but we have to think “Larry” who called us and gave us the 411 on how to ask for one at the massage parlor. Thanks Larry, I will be sure to bring that up at the dinner table tonight. Excellent conversation starter.. LOL

Remember brand new Love Traps every Thursday now at 7:30 and 9 ish.

My new summer guilty pleasure has to be “I Love Money” on VHI. If you haven’t caught the show it has some of the rejects from I Love NY and Rock of Love going through a Road rules type challenges. These people are so bad, it is good.. Go Whiteboy!!!

Something Maria and I didn’t get to this morning was the in depth diet study that finally vindicates Dr. Robert Adkins and his famous low carb diet as the most succesful diet. It beat out the low calorie diet as far as losing the weight and keeping it off. Maria was skeptical when i told her that cholestrol levels actually dropped on many of the dieters. Having said that, the heart association has yet to embrace the results of this study.

I embrace the fact that tomorrow is Friday! Break out the Patron because it is on baby! Talk to you in the morning with Carlos Mencia and Pablo Francisco bringing the funny!

BalTazer

First I have to thank you for giving us a warm welcoming back to the show this morning!!! It is funny (and I’m keeping it real here) some shows don’t ever come back from vacation. That is the sad side of our business. I guess that is what sparked our conversation this morning about having a “plan B” in case you lose your job. I picked up a magazine over the vacation “How to Make Money From Home”. Among the ideas that peeked my interest were dog walker, resume writer, and wedding photographer.  I can say that I have a friend who picked up the hobby of photography and now makes a killing year round with his wedding albums. What is my “plan B”? Hello! DJ mobile service!!! What a reach right?..LOL 

I have received a few emails with recommendations about what books address the issue of talking to kids about sex. My son Christopher revealed his curiosity about girls while on vacation. It was kinda cute the way he brought it up. But it gave me a wake up call and how to address this issue. My parents had me convinced that having sex before marriage would send me directly to hell. That was enough to keep me celibate until I turned 18. Unfortunately, I learned on the “how to part” from a video (Marylyn Chambers, in case you are wondering) If you have any suggestions on how to handle this conversation with my little, please email me.

 Before you wake up tomorrow I must let you know that Maria and I have decided to scale back on the Love Traps to once a week for every Thursday.

Let me also extend an invitation to walk with me this Sunday for the Aids Walk at Golden Gate Park. Please check out all the details on our home page. I look forward to meeting you!

Talk to you in la manana!

BalTazer

I’m not one to gloat but today I make an exception. I not only rode the bull at Saddlerack last night but I lasted longer than anyone expected! I cowboyed up! and yes I wore a pink shirt. All that crap Chunk was talking about..blah… blah…blah. and FYI, Chunk was a no show to our party..LOL

Maria held her own on the bull too (checkout video and pics). Thanks to everyone who came out and supported our little show!!!!

Get ready for some of our best stuff next week! We have gathered some of the most talked about Baltbusters and Love Traps in the last few months plus hilarious moments with Sherrie Shepperd from the View, Damon Wayons, D.L Hughley and more!

We’ll back with all new stuff on July 14th!

Before I head off on my vacation, I have to shout out my sister Carmen who is about to climb Mt. Whitney  in So. Cal tomorrow! Go gettem sis!!!

I’ll try to blog from vacation but please don’t be disapointed if I don’t because I’ll be giving most of my attention to my kids. I love you all, we are at the halfway point of the year and it has been such a great ride please join us on the 14th for more fun!

BalTazer 

Hi, I hope you had a nice weekend. If you missed our conversation this morning about “things you gave up or changed for a boyfriend or girlfriend” you missed a good one. Of course this was all inspired about my revelation that I haven’t worn any of my pink shirts because my girl said she doesn’t like the color pink on a man. I have 5 shirts catching dust over the last few months. It was so funny that women sided with me wearing pink and the men gave the usual “why are you wearing pink?” comment. I must be true to myself and not change for anyone! I can say that boldly because my girl texted me in the middle of our conversation and said she didn’t care..LOL..I may even rock a pink shirt tomorrow! LOL

Do you have any food fears? You know, that one food that you just consider way too disgusting for you to ever try. Up until this weekend that food for me was oysters. I’ve always thought they were slimey and gross. Well after trying them this weekend I have to say that I was wrong. I finally mustered the courage and had my first oysters. So that old saying about “don’t knock it until you try it” is true. I’m not saying that oysters will be the first thing I’ll order from a menu but I will be open to it. Now if only this strategy would work with other food nemesis, menudo. LOL

Check out tomorrow’s Love Trap with Keith from Pleasanton at 7:30. His girl just turned him down to a trip to Las Vegas. Drama is a brewin in the Tri-Valley!

BalTazer

Happy Friday! Not so happy hair for me (insert frown face here) I was greeted with this comment from Maria “what happened to your hair”? I look like a bad Bob’s Big Boy hairdo. You can say that the ”Cuafe” (I think that’s how you spell it) was off (check Chunk’s pics for birdseye view) Hey, it happens to the best of us..LOL

You better adhere to the smoke advisories being put out, I didn’t and woke up a sore throat. I did the silly thing of going for a jog and then playing tennis for a couple of hours. HELLO! The sun turned orange yesterday,what am I thinking!!!!

I wasn’t joking about going to open houses and signing in with the whitest name I could think of, my girl who is blonde signs in with the most Mexican of names (Socorro or Ezperanza) LOL

Don’t forget Perez Hilton at the Hot Topic store inside the San Francisco Center on Market street tomorrow at 2 p.m.

To all of our gay brothers and sisters, Happy Pride Weekend!

BalTazer

What’s up peeps? I hope you are having a hell of a day. I’m kinda rushing here through the blog so please excuse any typos. Speaking of rushing, birthday boy Mark Nieto did not waste anytime taking a shot of the Patron I got him for his birthday! LOL What you may not know is behind the scenes Mark is juggling traffic with us and Duke and Celeste on KFRC. So if Mark wants to drink on the air, I support him.LOL (it is a joke, he didn’t drink while on the air, only when the nic was off..LOL) I bust on him because I love him!

Ok, Maria just came in here and renewed her challenge to ride the bull at the Saddlerack next week! Hell to the yizzahh, I’ll be on the bull. I’m not afraid of no mechanical bull(well maybe a little) I actually once got bucked off a horse as a kid so I do have a little anxiety which could be relieved with a little liquid courage (Patron..right Mark? LOL)

Did you watch Baby Borrowers last night? That’s the show that calls themselves the ultimate birth control. They have four teenage couples play “parents” to a baby that was borrowed from other parents. Call me over protective but I would never do that with my kids. Last night was the infant portion of parenting with the four couples learning that taking care of a baby is not as easy as they thought it was going to be. Here’s a tip, don’t shake a baby right after they’ve had dinner. Bad things happen..LOL….I was actually pleasantly surprised by how well the teenage guys did taking care of their “loaner” baby. The teenage girls on the other hand had short fuses and became very frustrated. If you enjoy other people’s misery, this is the show for you!!

Before I go, I want to let you know that you could join “Team Baltazar” for the upcoming AIDS Walk on July 20th in SF. Keep an eye out for a sign up page soon (if not up already) on our website! 

Later  (done in Ben Dejo voice)

BalTazer