Alright today’s show was  similar to a plane taking off. Kinda bumpy as we started but a smooth ride once we got to our cruising altitude. I knew my morning was off to a bad start when I forgot my early morning sandwich. When did I find this out? Halfway into my commute into the studios! Que Pendejo (or Ben Dejo..LOL) It wasn’t until I stole some of Maria’s oatmeal that I got settled and relaxed. That was when we finally were able to take off the “fasten seat belt” sign. LOL

What was Keith thinking this morning on the Love Trap (check podcast) Getting a “happy ending” massage is not cheating? LOL!!! Good one Keith, real good one…. I have never been to one of these places but we have to think “Larry” who called us and gave us the 411 on how to ask for one at the massage parlor. Thanks Larry, I will be sure to bring that up at the dinner table tonight. Excellent conversation starter.. LOL

Remember brand new Love Traps every Thursday now at 7:30 and 9 ish.

My new summer guilty pleasure has to be “I Love Money” on VHI. If you haven’t caught the show it has some of the rejects from I Love NY and Rock of Love going through a Road rules type challenges. These people are so bad, it is good.. Go Whiteboy!!!

Something Maria and I didn’t get to this morning was the in depth diet study that finally vindicates Dr. Robert Adkins and his famous low carb diet as the most succesful diet. It beat out the low calorie diet as far as losing the weight and keeping it off. Maria was skeptical when i told her that cholestrol levels actually dropped on many of the dieters. Having said that, the heart association has yet to embrace the results of this study.

I embrace the fact that tomorrow is Friday! Break out the Patron because it is on baby! Talk to you in the morning with Carlos Mencia and Pablo Francisco bringing the funny!

BalTazer

Maria collects stamps…Baltazar collects boy bands and I collect ex girlfriends….

hahaha

Happy Underage Family….

real life isn’t like a magazine cover …

The Aryan Race Lives …

Heidi scares me … especially when she hangs out with Sen. McCain’s Daughter…

Swingers are cool…

in a magazine interview, the couple said …

“Each will say: ‘I’m not going to do it if you don’t approve of it,’ he says.

But Will’s not sure what he’d do if one day Jada, 38, confides that she does want to take a lover.”

This makes me want to eat a lotta meat….

This is for the nerds…

Hellen Mirren … is a total SILVER FOX!!!!

just because creepy pics of her makes me laugh

and CREEPIEST MUG SHOT …. I guess he really wants to be a part of Dark Knight:2

and this is just a classic…enjoy it!

hahahaha… cya tomorrow

thanks … and tell ya mamma

Ace Young’s album comes out today..holla and go cop that CD

the woman of my dreams just became single…hell yeah!

They are done…sucks…but he’s got cash and she’s got ass so they both are gonna end doing good

Here is the link for Watermelon Margarita Popsicles

Rumor of the Day…

“Billy is leaving,” confirms the show’s executive producer, Carol Mendelsohn. “But he will remain throughout the run of the series an executive producer.

The Ugly Kardashian sister just got popped and is going to do 30 days in jail, or maybe it was 3 days…who knows since she’s a … celebrity?

forget Biggie and Tupac … this is a Very Brady beef

the mom said to the son, “dont marry the supermodel”

the son, “EFF OFF”

the beef continues…..

Eva Longoria chopped her hair off… i think it looks cute.

First I have to thank you for giving us a warm welcoming back to the show this morning!!! It is funny (and I’m keeping it real here) some shows don’t ever come back from vacation. That is the sad side of our business. I guess that is what sparked our conversation this morning about having a “plan B” in case you lose your job. I picked up a magazine over the vacation “How to Make Money From Home”. Among the ideas that peeked my interest were dog walker, resume writer, and wedding photographer.  I can say that I have a friend who picked up the hobby of photography and now makes a killing year round with his wedding albums. What is my “plan B”? Hello! DJ mobile service!!! What a reach right?..LOL 

I have received a few emails with recommendations about what books address the issue of talking to kids about sex. My son Christopher revealed his curiosity about girls while on vacation. It was kinda cute the way he brought it up. But it gave me a wake up call and how to address this issue. My parents had me convinced that having sex before marriage would send me directly to hell. That was enough to keep me celibate until I turned 18. Unfortunately, I learned on the “how to part” from a video (Marylyn Chambers, in case you are wondering) If you have any suggestions on how to handle this conversation with my little, please email me.

 Before you wake up tomorrow I must let you know that Maria and I have decided to scale back on the Love Traps to once a week for every Thursday.

Let me also extend an invitation to walk with me this Sunday for the Aids Walk at Golden Gate Park. Please check out all the details on our home page. I look forward to meeting you!

Talk to you in la manana!

BalTazer

cause you actually get more then 1 week off ….

SUPER glad to be back in the Bay Area, I traveled over the break … it was cool.

Here are some pics … im going to upload the video of me being attacked by my uncles German Shepperd.

People … this was taken at a gas station in MI … sucks … we’re getting EFFED here in Cali

Virgin is a hella cool air-line for reals … google maps and a TV … how cool is that!

and .. here is the trash ->

Paramount gave ‘ol Robby a brand new Bentley for his troubles … 200k for making 600 mill … thats an even amount of love.

Hahaha…..after watching this I felt funny in my pants.

The Baby is here!!!!

TMZ claims …. he/she checked in under a fake name and the ward was sealed off…good times.

If you look up “Hater” in the dictionary you see this pic

he’s Madonna’s brother .. and hating on every page.

She was caught using a PC … Justin lost his mind.

Don’t let your daughter…do anything this girl says

HAHAHAHAHAA

this story wasn’t really news out here on the west coast … cause we dont care at all… but this is a funny pic that ties into the story about blue jay fans talking smack about A-Rod

Someone STOP HER FROM HACKING UP THE FACE!!!!

she’s melting like a action figure in a microwave …

hahaha…Miss Universe’s O Face

Jessica Simpson was in Tahoe over the weekend…here is a pic of her being sexy and rich on a boat…thats nice…

<img src=”http://style.popcrunch.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/07/jsass.jpg” width=369>

she also looks “SMART” in these pics from the weekend…

<img src=”http://thegrumpiest.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/07/jessica_simpson_01a.jpg” width=369>

thats it … im hella tired…i need some dim sum

UPDATE: here is the video of me being attacked by a German Shepperd.

I’m not one to gloat but today I make an exception. I not only rode the bull at Saddlerack last night but I lasted longer than anyone expected! I cowboyed up! and yes I wore a pink shirt. All that crap Chunk was talking about..blah… blah…blah. and FYI, Chunk was a no show to our party..LOL

Maria held her own on the bull too (checkout video and pics). Thanks to everyone who came out and supported our little show!!!!

Get ready for some of our best stuff next week! We have gathered some of the most talked about Baltbusters and Love Traps in the last few months plus hilarious moments with Sherrie Shepperd from the View, Damon Wayons, D.L Hughley and more!

We’ll back with all new stuff on July 14th!

Before I head off on my vacation, I have to shout out my sister Carmen who is about to climb Mt. Whitney  in So. Cal tomorrow! Go gettem sis!!!

I’ll try to blog from vacation but please don’t be disapointed if I don’t because I’ll be giving most of my attention to my kids. I love you all, we are at the halfway point of the year and it has been such a great ride please join us on the 14th for more fun!

BalTazer 

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going on vacation … but i’ll be around on Thursday 7/10 for an event with The Monterey Bay Aquarium, so ya man Chunk will be on the streets giving people what they want!

tell ya mamma … so she can tell her drinking book club and all the coug’s can tune in.

wouldn’t that be the bomb dot com … i mean … tonight at The Saddle Rack im going to pack a lunch from Kinder’s so I can grub down tomorrow…gotta plan ahead ya know.

So if your coming out tonight bring the jeans and 5 gallon hat!

Gary Spivey is on the radio now with us, I still claim this dudes a Jedi …but he denies that…if he was, I would hella want a light saber or maybe some “force” tricks….

now for the filth!

Ashlee Simpson having a “boy”…. well thats what my computer says..so who really knows

Digging the hippie thing…maybe she’s hanging out with Willie Nelson to much…

hahaha

…let the courtroom drama begin….a woman scorned is a…..yadda yadda…Christie Brinkley

Citing a court source, Access Hollywood is reporting that Brinkley, 54, will accuse Cook, 49, of posting nude photos of himself on swingers Web sites while looking for young women. (Cook’s attorney acknowledged Brinkley’s allegation but told Access the claim was “not true.”

Tom Cruise holding it down on two-wheels!

Friends Movie?!?

hrmmm…. i dunno…this is kinda lame … who really cares about this … half of them are famous..the others are unknown…

Happy Birthday to my man Ron Silver (from The West Wing)

AND!!!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE LOVE OF MY LIFE …………. LINDSAY LOHAN!!!!!!!

Pixar did it really big last weekend with 62 mil at the Box Office … and now imdb.com is showing the love also

Want to see what a really, really rich dude wears at the beach…

Wanna impress the other family…bring them to Olive Garden…hahahahahahaa

Kanye West is the new face behind a new shoe for Louie Vuitton … which is stupid…no one can afford that crap anyways…

Is Eddie Murphy leaving showbiz………does anyone care since his movies arent funny anymore?

Have a safe 4th…here is a link for taking pics of fireworks … click on the picture for deets

Entertainment Weekly put out a list of 25 hottest comics

1. The Judd Apatow Posse
2. Stephen Colbert
3. Tina Fey
4. Jon Stewart
5. Steve Carell
6. Chris Rock
7. Matt Stone &Trey Parker
8. SNL’s Amy Poehler and Will Arnett
9. Larry David
10. Kristen Wiig
11. Conan O’Brien
12. David Cross
13. Ellen Degeneres
14. Ricky Gervais
15. Will Ferrell
16. Amy & David Sedaris
17. David Letterman
18. Jack Black
19. Craig Ferguson
20. Diablo Cody
21. Demetri Martin
22. Dave Chappelle
23. Sarah Silverman
24. Catherine O’Hara
25. Augusten Burroughs
26. Marcus aka CHUNK aka funky chunky the sexy munkey

some of these are crap…others are the best…who knows…..im putting my self @ 26th

Speaking of Comedy….

Comedians Sacha Baron Cohen and Will Ferrell have been cast to appear in a new comedy based on the classic Sherlock Holmes franchise. Columbia Pictures has greenlit a film, currently in pre-production, that will feature the Borat comic (Sacha Baron Cohen) as master detective Sherlock Holmes and Ferrell as Watson, Holmes’ partner is crime-solving, Variety reported Wednesday.

HELL YA…that would be funny and an instant classic….holla cya at The Saddle Rack!

today is the day people, strap up your BluTooth like a good Trekky

I got one, I use plantronics, since they were on the moon and such back in the day…

anyways…onto the drivel…

TOP TEN WAYS TO REALLY KNOW IF YOUR CHILD’S SCHOOL IS SCIENTOLOGIST

10. Placenta and Barley Formula is on the school menu.

9. “Battlefield Earth” is required reading

8. The auditing course has nothing to do with taxes

7. “Intro to Psychology” replaced with “Intro to Dianetics”

6. “Fair Game” is the standard in all organized sports

5. Grades are given in gradients from OT I to OT VIII

4. Required school supplies include glue, a ruler, and an E-meter

3. The “ARC triangle” and the “KRC triangle” have nothing to do with geometry

2. Approved field trips include a visit to The Freewinds and New Life Improvement Center in Plant City, Florida

and the number one way to know your child’s school is really Scientologist:

1. Tom Cruise is the principal

thanks to abby @ Yeeeah!

Us Weekly says, “$28-million-a-year Rodriguez, 32, has made numerous solo nighttime visits to Madonna, 49, [sneaking] out “as late as midnight.”

Again … who really knows or cares … as long as they are happy right?

when did the 90s come back?!?!

People says, “Last week, just days after New Edition took home the Golden Note Award at the 21st annual ASCAP Rhythm & Soul awards in Beverly Hills, the group (minus Bobby Brown) went into an L.A. studio to record with the New Kids. The ensemble track, titled “Full Service,” will appear on NKOTB’s not-yet-titled upcoming album.”

We gotta ask Larry Sutton about this on Thursday for shizzle

Lilly Allen and “The Lohan” are rumored to be doing a track together, this all ties into Mark Ronson (Sam Ronsons Bro) is a music producer..anyways….i like Lilly..her dad is cool … and you know i LOVE me some lohan

This is a fun little project … check it out HERE

sick .. i’ll letcha know how it goes!

12 reasons why “MOViES” are a crappy first date ideas….here are the last couple, if you want more check them out HERE

12. You can’t pay attention to the movie
11. Movie theatres are too almost-romantic
10. It’s BLEEEEEEPING expensive

hella funny…number 3 is really funny…check it out!

here is another list that is cool…a little background of my life…im a big dude…my sister is not, she eats very healthy and does yoga…she even “composts”…whatever that crap is…anyways…here is something she sent me via the email at MARCUS@MOVIN997.COM

“The 11 Best Foods YOU Aren’t Eating” - Ny Times Blog

short story long … i gotta start eating half of these….im gonna go with Frozen Blueberrys

Katie and her Mini-Me

MTV wants Ol Trainwreck Britney Spears back for the VMA’s … hope she puts on more clothes

Closer Magazine claims that Angelina Jolie popped out the kids last night … who knows if its true…I hope they made the trip safe…

K-Fed has a new song called, “Daddys Home” …. what the hell kinda title is that???

so the cops came down to the station … i guess they got a complaint and are here to serve and protect…you ears from Baltazar’s laugh