I hope you had a fun weekend. I’ll tell you what I was busier than a one legged man in an A– kicking competition. I have to give some love to my girl (she know’s who she is..LOL) Friday night I found out that she actually can “rock the mike”! She wrote, choreographed and sung a Village People spoof of  “Y.M.C.A” for her boss’ retirement party.(Have fun Rene!) Yes, this is Kung Pao girl that I’m talking about. Remember (you member)  me talking about making her the P.F Chang Kung Pao recipe a few months ago?  I think that old saying  that the “way to a person’s heart is there stomach” is true. LOL

The one thing that is really funny is that her cat might not like me. Or at least she has a funny way of showing it. I swear that everytime I come over to visit, her cat takes the smelliest poop. “Kitty” doesn’t do this for anyone else but me!!!! It’s like the moment I arrive her cat is off to do her business in the litter box. Maybe I’m reading to much into it but I have heard that pets will let you know when they don’t like a person’s new mate. LOL

A little victory at work today..Mr. “Know It All” (Chunk) was wrong about his prediction about the Love Guru being number one at the box office.  Ahh sorry it was number four! Take that and rewind it back (I won a baby bottle of Patron) but I’m not one to gloat in another man’s misery (well maybe just a little) LOL

I hope your Monday just flies by! Talk to you in la manana!

BalTazer

Sucks … the last of the legends are gone … we will talk with Joan Rivers about what she thought and her words … they must have partied together. He was heading up here in July to the Mountain Winery … that dude was touring into his 70’s.

He was the original guy to “keep it real” before it was real and the old folks called it the “truth” … hopefully today someone will make a mash up of his best works….

here is his classic “7 dirty words”

click HERE for the video

On my facebook this morning everyone and this was the quote that stuck out…

“It’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.”

(George Carlin).”

Thanks Sammy!

and now … the TRASH!

here is the first lil trailer from Marley&Me … looks cute

Juliette Lewis wants to be arrested for “acting” like hooker in LA, she was walking around … not really wearing a shirt…and acting funny … yeah … what else do you expect from this dame?

Another thing that sucks … people don’t read anymore …

After 52 years, Cody’s Books will shut its doors effective June 20, 2008. The Berkeley bookstore has been a beacon to readers and writers throughout the nation and across the world. Founded by Fred and Pat Cody in 1956, Cody’s has been a Berkeley institution and a pioneer in the book business, helping to establish such innovations as quality paperbacks and in-store author readings. Throughout the 1960s and 70s, Cody’s was a landmark of the Free Speech movement and was a home away from home for innumerable authors, poets and readers.

oh well, maybe one day people will read … until then … i guess we just have to have ignorance in our world.

Jessica Simpson was at a ‘country bumpkin’ radio station in cali, and from a radio prespective, they had only sales people and no one else in the audience to meet&greet Jess and her pops Joey…

Here is what she said about … well you can just read and laugh

Jess said, “There have been stories that are ridiculous. Like my father really fit me for a training bra. Like, who believes that kind of thing!?”

I do … I believe that … yes I do.

Ewwww …. she’s a ghost and a nasty one at that …

Gus … the big winner!!

… 18 …. 31 … yeah … its just that creepy

Heroes will be back, and this is just weird since the are Uncle and Niece … eeeewwwww…and shootping

The good news is that Heroes is back in production, the bad news is that 30 year old Milo Ventimiglia and 18 year Hayden Panettiere are still dating. It is going to be weird seeing this uncle and niece acting together when Heroes finally comes back in September.

Vetran Newsie got the nod

He will be sitting in on the show until the election is over in Nov, even though it should be over now and Obama should just roll up into the White House with his possee and toss ‘ol President Bushy out on his ass…

and for you ladies …

And from earlier … here is a pic of Joan with Ice T at the filming of Celebrity Family Fued

Whatever happened to “the coldest winter I ever spent was summer in San Francisco”? I’m not complaining, the weather is beautiful even though sweat-inducing I’m just a bit surprised.  I’m hanging out at work late so I can suck up the last of the air-conditioning since there isn’t any in my apartment.

Right now there’s a bunch of tourists chewing out friends back home that told them to bring jackets to our part of the world because “it’s not So-Cal, it gets chilly there”. I’m glad we’re not So-Cal, it’s like 100+ degrees there! Of course that’s nothing to a Marine friend of mine who lives down in those parts. I was talking to him about the heat and he said it was cool compared to his hitch in Djubuti (hope I’m spelling that right) in Africa. He said it was 130 degrees when you woke up, of course that’s factoring in the humidity. That’s one thing I can say about the Bay Area, so far no matter how hot it’s been, it hasn’t been humid.

One great thing about this week’s heat wave has been watching adults eat ice cream cones. There’s a Baskin- Robbins near work so it’s been fun watching people walking by with those cool, sticky confections. They turn everybody into 8-year olds. You see grown men in business suits licking like their life depends on it so as not to get any on their tie or heaven forbid their suit. It makes me smile.

The other morning, Baltazar, Chunk and I were talking about ice cream with them professing their love for all kinds of ice cream, generally full of “stuff”: nuts, chocolate chips, marshmallows etc. and they laughed at me when I said my favorite flavor was vanilla. It’s true. I generally like my ice cream “stuff-free”, unless it’s a mix-in or sundae otherwise vanilla it is. Why? Because to me vanilla is the most versatile flavor. You can dress it up in a sundae or split, it’s the base for all types of shakes and floats and goes great on top of pie, between cookies or next to birthday cake. But even by it’s lonesome, for me nothing can beat a couple of scoops of vanilla on a day like today.  Matter of fact I’m headed to Baskin-Robbins on my way home. Oh, don’t be too hard on the guy with the ice cream on his tie because somewhere there’s a woman with ice cream on her nose and I’d really appreciate it if you just smiled.

What up? Two hours sleep and not letting up! George Michael was off the hook last night! It was the kind of show that had you excited about what song he was going to do next. My personal highlights were “I’m Your Man”, “Everything She wants”, “Kissing A Fool”. Oh what the hell except for two of his new songs, he was unbelievable. I was freakin singing every minute of the concert (my apologies to the couple sitting in front of me, Careless Whisper wasn’t exactly a whisper..LOL)

I’m going to have to apologize to everyone hwo emailed in the last 24 hours (over 100 emails) about the website to check your mates phone calls. I haven’t had the time to answer them and to be honest I’m very reluctant to give you the outright website because of the consequences. It is amazing how many people are leary of their partner’s infidelity. If you can’t trust them, get out!

I’m about to get out of this jammie right now and maybe play some golf. I say “maybe” because it is hot as hell outside. Muy caliente and hitting the pool sounds a tad better and cooler.

Shout outs to the crew from Great America along with Stephanie and the girls who sat next to us at the George Michael show! Have a great weekend!

BalTazer

Baltazar was at the George Micheal concert last night and had a lot of fun

We apologize now for the show you hear/heard today … he didn’t sleep and had about 15 diet cokes today…

Throw up the buckets of chicken … Jamie Lynn Spears popped out her young’en in Kentwood Louisiana … glad she’s doing ok, best wishes to her and the rest of her Junior Classmates who had kids …

I hope that’s a diet soda …

Snoop’s latest country song … i think he has smoked himself stilly

What’s wrong with this picture?!?

Are the “Girls” fighting?!?! …. im gonna have to talk with my Playboy insider about this one .. but really?!? Beef in Paradise?!!?

TMZ sources say that everyone “hates” Holly, especially Kendra. Apparently the two women can’t be in the same room together without the claws coming out.

…is this a fake pic or does she really look like that?!?!

Marla Maples … well its the first day of Summer and she’s still got it…

J Lo is not safe for work…for reals…is she stupid or something … heels and babies … nice

Miley has lots of Prison fans … and yes … this freaks her out … go figure…

breaking news: Paris Hilton off the Marijuana because of “munchies” … she’s tired of gaining weight … i would assume since she is always full of crap, she’s ripping a spliff while reading this blog

Lindsay “love of my life” Lohan . … needs to get some more food in her life

Here is the video of Balty trying his George Lopez joke … hahaha

Here is the video of John Henton and Balty admitting to having a Geroge Micheal Thong?!!?!?!

Alright, today’s record amount of emails for the “cellphone records” website. I will not give you the direct website but through googling  you can find several of these services. I will add that it is not cheap and I don’t know if these sites are scams. I have not used any of these sites so you are on your own. There! I have adhered to Maria’s advice to not give the site away.

I’m so excited about George Michael tonight despite all the jokes this morning. I got a feeling I’m going to lose my voice tonight! LOL Full report tomorrow in la manana!!

Out buddy Tommy Davidson is in the house along with Sinbad and more shots at G-Lo tx to complete our Friday morning comedy fest! I’m off to Livermore with Maria for our office party with El Balazo at Doggy Dreams Pet Salon!

Peace

BalTazer

yeah … its just that sexy.

…pound it….Michelle Obama on The View yesterday … in case you missed it .. she’s pretty fly .. in this chunk opinion!

awwwh…. sad….I hope she saves a pound pup now.

Mimi LaRue died at home surrounded by her family, including Spelling’s husband Dean McDermott, 41, son Liam, 1, and newborn daughter Stella, 10 days old. “I’m devastated,” said Spelling, who reveals her dog had suffered from medical problems relating to her hips and neck for years. “I’m convinced she waited around to make sure I had the daughter I always dreamt about before she left us.”

Matty …. wasted….good times….

Britney played by a man … hahaha funny… enjoy it.

yeah … she’s naked in this issue…enjoy it.

Mario Lopez …. Baltazar’s other man crush

J Lo … doing community service giving back to some school

Here is the Junk

Lightsaber Mash-Up

Love this movie .. and the play should be great also!

When C-List celebs attack!!!!!!!!!

ol’ gute was out and about… and lost his crap on some paps…hahahaha

word

holla

cya tomorrow … going for tacos and sleep!

Hi! I hope you had a nice Wednesday. I’m at my crib in P-town chillin on the couch and wanted to catch up with you. Maria and I had a crazy couple of days traveling to So Cal and Disneyland. Here’s something you and I could agree on, other than Disneyland, living in northern California is a whole lot better than down in Lala land. I had the chance to visit my mom in Ontario and I’m telling you the traffic was horrendous! I thought I was stylin and profilin in my PT Cruiser rental car when all of a sudden I come up on a toll and realize that my “Fastrak” is back here in my personal car! I got that instant “oh Shiznet” feeling. Thirty minutes later, I finally get through the toll.  Good to catch up with my familia. My sister Carmen has been training to climb Mt. Whitney on July Fourth. Si esta Loca.lol.. No, no I’m actually very proud of her “go getter” mentality. Climbing Mt. Whitney is no joke, it is over 14,000 feet and it takes at least 17 hours to climb up and down. My body hurts just thinking of it. (maybe she is Loca..lol)

Right after I get done blogging I’m going to go look for that darn “toy of the day” for the Dash to the Disneyland Resort.  Maria has been doing my dirty work the last couple of days. Although today she told me to “go find it yourself” ( a hint of attitude) so I quickly reminded her of me picking her up and giving her a ride to work. Hello! I need a little help! Ms. Thing! Oh yeah, she was coming after me this morning..lol.. I guess a few days together will do that to you but please do not take it on me because I don’t remember every Morgan Freeman movie. He is in the new flick “Wanted” and all I said was (and honestly, it was kind of lame) does Morgan Freeman ever do a movie where he doesn’t play a cop? That was enough to get our friend Maria in a tizzy..Hello! can I get my head back? LOL I deserved it…LOL

I’m going for a jog with my girl (Kung Pau Shrimp girl, if you’re keeping score at home) so I gotta continue our little chat later. Tomorrow more G-Lo tx and a new Love Trap at 7:30! Have a good night!

BalTazer

Darth Vader and some storm troopers do “The Thriller”

I have been using FireFox since it came out and if you dont … step up your BROWSER GAME ! !! !

here is a pic of the cake that Microsoft sent over to the guys in the South Bay .. hahaha … silly monopolys…at least they cop’ed for a nice cake

Speaking of nerd things, something we ALL SHOULD TOTALLY TRY … its called “Dripping”

According to the Daily Mail, putative trespassers select their swimming pool using Google Earth, and then notify their mates using social networking sites. The would-be revellers often turn up in fancy dress, and are advised to bring a bike (for a swift getaway). Owners only discover their pool has been dipped when they find a bunch of beer cans floating on the surface the next morning.

Those folks across the pond are silly

BRUNO IS COMING … March 2009

Here is some funny old HBO footage … enjoy

Who says the music biz isnt still making cash money … Lil Waynes sold over a million copies of his latest album … which is “put it-never take out” kinda album

This is a cool thing, Recycled tea cups for lamps … thats kinda cool

Check them out here

So, last night I was hosting “Singles Night:2″ at AT&T Park… big thanks to Eve and the whole staff over there at ‘the park!

Your Giants!

Eve and some lucky fellas at Singles Night 2

Some ladies at Singles Night 2

‘FRISCO!!!

Big ROB and Satan

..must be nice

Nelson (weekend’er) and I (funky chunk the sexy munkey) are kicking it in the studio … holding it down like a prison cell … at least we have Nieto doing drinking a lot of booze and cussing up a storm traffic …

We have a lot of gossip .. but since everyone is in Disneyland … im going to eat Tacos at the truck around the corner … holla